Intrigued by the Black Widows' newfound fallibility (see here), the Switchblade Sisters decided to get their own shot in before the Derby Darlins' impending (11/13) Championship bout. Bringing about last Saturday's Derby Detention; a bout where the league's pecking orders could be (re)established. (Shockingly, the penalty box was not abolished, despite the bout's title. Tonight's detention had an area set aside for detaining troublesome skaters; hereby known as the ISS box.) While the Black Widows ultimately proved too strong in the end, the Sisters were still able to make their mark. Close throughout, as the bout ended at (76-98), the Switchblade Sisters joined the illustrious class of teams who have managed to hold the Black Widows to under a hundred points.

Characteristic of the Widows, tonight they staked out an early lead and held onto it using a rotating squad of key, core skaters. To the Switchblade Sisters' credit, they managed to contain the spread to a not insurmountable 10-20 points throughout the first half. Not able to pull further ahead than that, the Widows were left to turn their attention to delivering some severe beat downs to the would-be usurpers.

The action really started heating up when Black Widow Bad Credit gave Switchblade Sister Kitty Danger a number of hard shots. Ending the barrage with a check hard enough to send Danger flying out-of-bounds. A seasoned vet, Credit then immediately hit the brakes, slowing down the Sisters' jammer considerably.

Unfortunately for Credit, slowing down gave Kitty's fellow Sister Gore Mae enough time to catch up and retaliate. Knocking Credit out of Danger's orbit, Gore Mae next turned her attention to new Widow Cha Cha Crash. Who called off the jam fast, after receiving her introductory Gore Mae beating (24-31).

Riled by her teammates' actions, Bash'em Up Barbie donned the jammer panty next, and hit the pack with the power of a bulldozer. Unwilling to yield to any subtlety in her craft, Barbie instead spent the night bursting through the pack. Such manic intensity often proves hard to control, as Barbie found out later when an attempted hop past Widow Eliza Lot transformed mid-leap into a flying knee. Unwitting, possibly newly-created penalties aside, Barbie's push did much to keep her team moving as they attempted to gain ground on the Widows.

One Widow unwilling to cede anything was Captain Bettie Kruger, who instead doubled up for two jams worth of brutality. Finding herself unable to stop a jamming Ram 'em Noodle, no matter how hard she tried (26-40), Kruger then focused her wrath on the Sisters' next jammer, the bloodied but unbowed Kitty Danger (32-43).

Clearly tired of my overly verbose recaps, Widow Anita Bopabitch brought in tonight's concisest jam. 40 seconds, two full revolutions around the track, five points without any fuss (32-53).

Taking a cue from Bop, Ram 'em Noodle closed the half with an exceedingly quick and seemingly effortless jam. Breezing through the Widows' defense scoring two grand slams, Ram 'em nabbed her team some needed points as well as proving that the bout was still up in the air (41-57).

Derby Detention's second half commenced the way every post-Junior Derby Chick halftime bout should: with tons of jammer on jammer action. Everyone loves it: the kids, adults, and even the occasional...

Ninja Monkey started the proceedings off by spitting in the face of caution as she went one-on-one against Black Widow Rojo Grande. Rojo took the licking, and kept right on skating; leaving her blockers to (woman)handle Ninja (41-66).

Next up to curb the endless appetite for jammer blood was Ram 'em Noodle. Noodle went after Cha Cha Crash with the type of vengeance that can only be had when a cutting call (or lack thereof) doesn't go your way. Getting no satisfaction from the refs, Noodle turned to her teammates for retaliatory conciliation.

Finding themselves unable to to make any headway offensively, the Switchblade Sisters then looked to find redress through dismantling the Black Widows. A strategy beautifully displayed after Widow Captain Bettie Kruger laid a frontline Sassy Ash out. As soon as Ash hit the track, fellow Sisters Sketch E. Artist and the aforementioned Noodle immediately took their fallen comrade's place stronger and more determined than before (43-71).

The vigorous defense from both teams, as the Black Widows surely couldn't/wouldn't allow such shenanigans to continue unanswered, then converged to bring about tonight's strangest offering. For it's not often you'll see ten jams go by with nary more than 26 points scored collectively. Consisting of a(ny) team's lead jammer calling the jam off immediately after losing the lead, but seemingly always before they could score more than a couple of points (51-89).

The Switchblade Sisters' last push came soon after, following a late Rojo Grande cut, ceding the ever present Ram 'em Noodle a power jam. The Sisters sprang into action, with Muse of Bruise, Ghola Lola, and Foxy del Fuego swarming around the unlucky Glitter Head-Splitter. Slowing down the pack, preventing a split pack, and demoralizing a rookie all in one fell swoop, the Sisters had a brief window of opportunity before Noodle herself fell victim to the ISS box. [What? See, I told you the earlier session was important!] Thus ending the Sisters' last chance to cause an upset (65-89).

Not even a quick Bash'em Up Barbie jam (69-92) could change the hard facts, time had run out and the Widows' defense was too tight Derby Detention ending with the Black Widows over the Switchblade Sisters (76-98).

Saving her a spot in the recap that mirrors her tactical position, Eliza Lot had spent nearly every jam lurking in the far reaches of the pack. Waiting for the Sisters' first time-unwitting, next time-dreading jammer to come around the first curve before hitting them with an all-star shoulder. Just watch the video! It worked nearly every time too, even after Muse of Bruise took to a one-on-one (dis)engagement strategy.

Again straying from the theme, Derby Detention gave awards to its occupants! With Muse of Bruise and Anita Bopabitch recognized as the "most disruptive" blockers, and Bash'em Up Barbie and Rojo Grande singled out for being the "most obnoxious(ly awesome)" jammers of the night.

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by Timothy Blaszka

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